Review by Derrick Carter
Running Time: 1 hour 40 minutes
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for Sci-Fi Action Violence, and Language
Directed by: Josh Trank
Written by: Simon Kinberg, Jeremy Slater & Josh Trank
(based on the FANTASTIC FOUR comics by Stan Lee & Jack Kirby)
Starring: Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell, Reg E. Cathey & Tim Blake Nelson
Can I just say it? FANTASTIC FOUR seems to be one of Stan Lee’s lesser creations. At least, it really seems to be this way on film. If you don’t believe me, let’s tally up the previous cinematic adaptations. There was a TV movie in the early 90’s that was apparently so embarrassing that it has remained unreleased to this day. Clips of this film online reveal that, yes, it is as bad as they say it is. In 2005, we were treated to a mediocre adaptation that didn’t really do much of anything plot-wise. Somehow, that film was granted a better-but-still-bland sequel in 2007 that also featured the Silver Surfer and a CGI cloud they claimed was Galactus. Now we have a 2015 reboot that has a talented director (his previous film was 2012’s CHRONICLE) and a solid cast. You might think that the end result would be, at the very least, watchable. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the most boring, pointless, and stupid comic book movie that we’ve seen in over a decade.
Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Johnny Storm, and Victor Von Doom have been recruited by a scientist to work on the world’s first teleportation device. This machine doesn’t teleport things across our world. Instead, it’s actually a gateway into another dimension. When the project is completed and human trials are ready to begin, the government tries to take the invention (and credit) away from the team of geniuses. In a drunken stupor and aided by Ben Grimm (Reed’s childhood friend), the team take a quick impromptu voyage to the other dimension with disastrous results. The side effects are super powers. Reed can stretch his body in an elastic-like way. Sue can turn invisible. Johnny can set himself aflame and fly. Meanwhile, Ben has been transformed into an orange rock-monster. Together these friends must come to grips with their newfound abilities and stop the evil Dr. Doom from destroying our world.
My brief synopsis just gave more credit to this film than any of the performances. Not one of the cast members look like they care about the film they are making. The character development is damn near non-existent as well. Miles Teller has been great in the past (e.g. WHIPLASH), but is utterly bland as Richard. Kate Mara has been great in the past as well (e.g. HOUSE OF CARDS), but seems bored out of her mind as Sue. Noticing a pattern here? Michael B. Jordan plays the Human Torch as a pouty child and makes me yearn for the days when pre-CAPTAIN AMERICA Chris Evans played Johnny. Meanwhile, The Thing doesn’t even seem to fit in with the rest of these characters. Tim Blake Nelson also pops in for a quick paycheck as a typical government agent. The only over-acting in this dreary affair comes from Reg E. Cathey as Franklin Storm (Sue and Johnny’s father). His acting was so over-the-top and clichéd that I had to restrain myself from cracking up during serious scenes that featured him.
The special effects in FANTASTIC FOUR are nowhere near as prestigious as a budget of 120 million would suggest. In fact, the CGI quality here looks like it’s from the horrible days of SPAWN and GODZILLA (the 1998 bomb with Broderick). The other dimension doesn’t look convincing in the slightest. When Mr. Fantastic stretches his body out, it appears like a scary abomination from some Asian ghost movie. The problem here is that we’re supposed to like him and think he’s cool. Meanwhile, The Thing appears to be one of last year’s Shrek-like Ninja Turtles covered in orange rocks. He’s still better than the Human Torch, who appears to have been brought to life with unconvincing half-rendered CGI. Honestly, the best special effects involve the Invisible Woman…because she’s invisible (ba dum ching).
You might notice that I’ve yet to describe Doctor Doom (the main villain). That’s because this movie doesn’t utilize him until the final 20 minutes of running time. Toby Kebbel plays Doom and his motivations are seemingly nothing more than being a pompous jerk. I mean, why would you actually want a villain with a clear-cut motivation or personality? Doom’s powers include crappy CGI, blowing up people’s heads SCANNERS style (with less gore, because it’s PG-13), and inconsistently electrocuting one character so they can deliver clichéd motivational last words. The plot seems to be made entirely of set-up and then throws Doom in for the final scenes…because we need a villain. The biggest problem with this film aside from everything else is that this FANTASTIC FOUR sucks the fun and color out of what should have been a goofy, entertaining movie. Nobody is going into FANTASTIC FOUR looking for a serious, intense sci-fi film. The story doesn’t allow for that and a darker tone only makes the whole film depressing and dull.
FANTASTIC FOUR is less than fantastic. From the lack of fun to lazy performances, everything about this movie just feels wrong. It’s a boring, awful failure of a film. This type of epic cinematic disaster seems to exist for internet critics to rip apart scene-by-scene and analyze everything that’s wrong with it. Honestly, I prefer the 2005 and 2007 films over this boring mess. 2015’s FANTASTIC FOUR feels like it’s relying on clichés, bad writing, and cheap special effects from late 90’s superhero bombs. It’s a distinct step backwards for superhero cinema. This FANTASTIC FOUR is easily the worst superhero movie we’ve received since 1997’s BATMAN & ROBIN. Heed my warning.